Just Let the Deeply Forgetful Do It

Almost every day I am reminded of one of the most important things I learned about Alzheimer's caregiving -- Just let Dotty do it.

By Bob DeMarco
+Alzheimer's Reading Room

I believe this is important.

Just let them do it. I am referring here to a person who is deeply forgetful.

Lets reverse this -- Don't do everything for them. You might ask why?

First, don't do everything for them. If you do everything for a person who is deeply forgetful they will forget how to do it. Once they forget it is unlikely that they will be able to relearn how to do it.

Second, just let them do it. I learned first hand that a person who is deeply forgetful is capable of more, much more, than you might be imaging. There is more there than you can imagine. I relearn this constantly, and I have been at it for more than 8 years with Dotty.

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You have to trust yourself, and trust the person who is deeply forgetful.

Let's face it, your brain is going to try and trick you every time. Your brain will tell you, they can't do it. Anyone on this blog ever commented, "this won't work for me". And then commented later on, "it works".

How about Harvey the parrot?

Of course it is easy to trick yourself. They have a saying that goes around in the Alzheimer's community, it goes something like this.

If you have met one Alzheimer's patient, you have met one Alzheimer's patient.

This is supposed to mean -- every Alzheimer's patient is different. It also is used as a subliminal message to make it easy for you to "think and believe" just because something works for someone else, it won't work for you.

What the message really implies is, don't even bother trying, they can't do it.

Did you ever read something on this website and think that won't work for me? Well, if you didn't try it, I betcha a thousand dollars it didn't work.

Did you ever think, this won't work for us, but you decided to give it a try and it did work? Don't be shy.
One of the things you have to learn to become an effective caregiver is that there is More There.

This so called more there is elusive because from the time a person is diagnosed as being "deeply forgetful",  your brain starts tricking you into thinking pretty soon "they" won't be able to anything.

See, it is your brain tricking you. Your brain.

Don't take the above too personal. I let my brain trick me for a while, just like most of us do.

In our case, Dotty girl started doing this and doing that and pretty soon I started to get the hang of it.

Here is one thing I learned. Dotty will constantly do something that I could never have imagined. Every time she does it I am surprised. Fortunately, these little surprises remind me over and over --there is more there.

Learning that there is more there is hard to do. I guess this explains why I have to relearn this over and over.

Hey, none of this is perfect. Sometimes you try something and it doesn't work. Then you think about it for a while. Pretty soon you get a new and better idea. Finally, something does work. Feels good doesn't it?

By the way, nobody bats a 1,000. Not even me, ;>)

Trust me, your brain is going to try and defeat you. Don't let it.

Just let them do it.

Okay, I gotta go, I have to go meet a brand new orange. It is really fascinating to me how every orange is different from every other orange.

Positive thinking.

_________________________________________________

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Bob DeMarco is the Founder of the Alzheimer's Reading Room (ARR). Bob is a recognized Influencer, speaker, and expert in the Alzheimer's and Dementia Community Worldwide. The Alzheimer's Reading Knowledge Base contains more than 4,000 articles, and the ARR has more than 343,000 links on the Internet. Bob lives in Delray Beach, FL.

Learn more about Alzheimer's and Dementia in the Alzheimer's Reading Room.

The Wheelchair Ride, Star Spangled Banner

I don't know why, but I continually need to be reminded that there is always, More There. The good news is that Dotty won't let me forget.

By Bob DeMarco
Alzheimer's Reading Room

Someone once asked me what I was going to do when Dotty reached an advanced stage of Alzheimer's and couldn't walk or do much anymore.

I surprised myself when I answered without hesitation, I don't know for sure, I'll figure it out when we get there, one thing for sure,

we will continue to live our lives.

That was my answer.

We are certainly at or near that point now, and we continue to adjust. The we in this equation? Dotty and me.

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A few weeks ago I decided to put Dotty in the wheelchair and start walking her around the area. There were really two things on my mind: get Dotty out of the house and into the world; and, continue to get Dotty into bright light.

I guess you could sayit is our intention to "carry on".

The wheelchair rides seem to be working better than I expected. On our little walks, I ask Dotty to read the street signs. We have streets, avenues, ways, and terraces on our walk. Interestingly, Dotty can still read the street signs, but she only reads the first part. For example, she will say Silk Oak, for Silk Oak Terrace. Good enough for me. Dotty also mentions how big the trees are, or mentions the flowers. Sometimes she tells me what a great job they are doing of keeping the "place" looking nice. When we first start out, Dotty doesn't usually say anything. But after a while, I ask about the street signs and this seems to open up her "awareness".

I'm convinced the wheelchair rides help. They help keep Dotty attached to the world. There is no doubt in my mind that the bright light continues to have a "real" positive effect on Dotty's mood and behavior.

When I first started to talk about the positives of bright light most people looked at me in a funny way. I still remember a television interview where I brought this up. I was on with a neurologist, a good neurologist, and the reporter asked the neurologist a follow up question about the effect of bright light after I mentioned it. He said, that was the first time he had heard it. We are finally get more research and understand of the positive effects of bright light on the deeply forgetful.

Soon I intend to extend our wheelchair ride to other places. Dog run? Go look at alligators and birds? Find out if any of these "turn Dotty on".

Yesterday, I was on the computer. I thought Dotty was asleep on the sofa. A woman started singing the national anthem on the television, the Star Spangled Banner. Dotty started singing. Not some of the words like she does now, all of the words. When the singer paused for effect, Dotty just kept on singing ahead of her. Every word, the correct words.

I actually got up from my chair, and walked over and watched Dotty singing. She seemed happy and quite proud of herself.

I was a bit startled, although, I was feeling quite happy. The kinda happy that makes your heart soar.

I don't know why, but I continually need to be reminded that there is always,

More There.

The good news is that Dotty won't let me forget.



Read More on the Alzheimer's Reading Room

• How Alzheimer's Spreads Throughout the Brain
• Test Your Memory for Alzheimer's (5 Best Self Assessment Tests)
• What is Alzheimer's Disease?
• What is Dementia?
• What’s the Difference Between Alzheimer’s Disease and Dementia
• Communicating in Alzheimers World
• How the Loss of Memory Works in Alzheimer’s Disease, and How Understanding This Could Help You
• Learning How to Communicate with Someone Suffering From Alzheimer's Disease
• Alzheimer's World -- Trying to Reconnect with Someone Suffering from Alzheimer's Disease
• About the Alzheimer's Reading Room

Bob DeMarco is the Founder of the Alzheimer's Reading Room and an Alzheimer's caregiver. The blog contains more than 3,361 articles with more than 397,100 links on the Internet. Bob lives in Delray Beach, FL.

You are reading original content from the Alzheimer's Reading Room.